the dark question.

do you know this fear that plagues my mind
as i press each crease into its form
upon these rainbow pieces of paper?
the doubts, the worries, the imagined
failure of attempting to show a feeling so pure,
so uncontrollable that it has snatched
every sense at my beck and call,
and set them to work at your behest.

these emotions flash through, trancing and
tempting, teasing, eating like a corrosive mist
through the corestones of the monumental
pulsating mass of hope that are the
thoughts of angels, those guardians of my heart.

each faint glimmer now dims into a shadow that
glows still, its own cold blue flame, that further taints
the population of glistening stars which dot
the expanse of sky that is the canvas
of my soul.

a flickering light shows:
dreams that are soaring up high
turn to cardboard castles in the sky
and plummet down into the ocean blue sea.
floating, it commences a coagulative melting
til the boy fishes it out from the surf
dries it on the setting sun and then
tramples all over its soggy form.

then the darkness swoops down,
surrounding, seducing, smothering,
and injects its aquamarine virus
into the already freezing nova.

i struggle to complete this course
with a thousand beating wings.
sometimes, the shifting pinions do
shed some rays on the crystals that hang
behind, dripping off the frost that binds it
but more often than not,
the comet's tail is fading.

so now onward i plow,
carelessly, recklessly, not knowing anymore
if i care about the knives
that are all ready to plunge
and cause unrelenting pain.
i assure you this is not just some impressing boast
trying to sway reaction,
but everything does come from utmost sincerity.
that human life, human love is just that frail
is a train of thought many do fail.
each moment to be cherished, each moment
missed.
if only more of these moments
e'er did exist.

with words from W.H. Auden:
If equal affection cannot be (**for whatever reason there may be)
Let the more loving one be me.

**personal note